13th February 2011 Off By Derek Buckthorpe

Sketch used in 2010

CHARACTERS: Narrator, Props Manager, Mrs Tee Vee Mum.
PROPS: Baby Bottle (Bottle), Saucepan (Pan), Whistle (WH), Chauffeur’s Cap (Cap), FeatherDuster , Washing powder (WP), Telephone (Mobile or Phone), Shopping bag (SB), Book, First Aid Box (FAB), Shears.
As the activity connected with each item is mentioned in the story, the Props Manager hands or removes the particular article to/from Mrs Tee Vee Mum.

NOTE: The narrator will have to watch the mime while speaking to make sure the words are said at a rate that allows the mime to be carried out in a humerous manner.  There may be occasions when the narrator will have to wait for the mime to catch up.

To add the thumour the narrator could use a 1950.s TV voice.

Additional Props:2 small tables: one for serving the food etc. and one to represent the cooker; one or two chairs to use when feeding the baby and to represent the car.

REHEARSALS: Suggest at least two (one hour) sessions in order to get the timing right between the mime and speaking and the mime and handing out/ revieving of the props.


announce the title of the Skecth

The speaking and mime begin

At 7 a.m. Mrs Tee Vee Mum wakes up singing and starts her new day.
First she feeds Baby with Nestles Baby Milk, ——— (Bottle)
then cooks breakfast (Pan)——(Weetabix for the children, Special K for her husband followed by Del Monte Orange and Danish bacon and Typhoo Tea).
She referees a quarrel (Bell) between the two older children — so that her husband can read his Daily Mail undisturbed,
She finds his car keys (Cap) and drives her husband to the station ——
She drops her two older children off to school and returns home ——–.

Then she settles down to cleaning (Feather Duster) the entire house with a smile on her face as she is using an Addis Broom, New Flash and an Electrolux vacuum cleaner.
In between she answers six (Phone) telephone calls (three wrong numbers and two double glazing salesmen),
deals with a screaming baby (Book) and (Wash Powder) a day’s washing (Persil washes whiter and it shows),
She writes her shopping list (Shopping Bag), …..
feeds baby again (Bottle) ———-
and drives off (Cap and Shopping Bag) to Sainsbury’s for the shopping.———
Here she whizzes around the supermarket buying wholesome, nutritious, non-fattening and additive-free food for the entire family and still has change from a £20 note! —-
Unruffled by the baby’s screaming she administers first aid when he traps his fingers in the car door (First Aid Box) ——-
She drives back home singing nursery rhymes and unloads the shopping ——–
Then she answers the telephone again (Phone) while feeding the baby (Bottle), and cooks herself (Pan) a low calorie lunch. ———

She decides she hasn’t got time to redecorate the front room so she cuts the front lawn (Shears) ——-
and cleans the car (Cap and Dust pan & Brush) while the baby is asleep. —-
She then answers the telephone (Phone) – its her mother ——-
and baby awakes screaming [(Bottle) then (Book) then (First Aid Box) then (Dust pan & Brush]. ———–
It’s now time (drops Bottle, Book, First Aid Box, Dustpan) – to collect (cap) her two children from school. ————————
When they return she prepares their tea (Pan), ——-
referees two squabbles, (Bell) – while answering an involved telephone call (Phone) from her mother-in-law over the merits of dried and tinned prunes. ———
When baby screams again (Bottle and Book) having failed to get satisfaction from Dr. Spock she applies him to the child’s seat of learning and it stops. ———–
She washes the older children (Washing Powder) and reads them a story (Book) and puts them to bed. ————————-
She starts to cook (Pan) her husband a delicious soufflé ———-
when the telephone rings (Phone) – its mother-in-law again about constipation ——
waking up the eldest child who is immediately sick (Dust pan an brush and First Aid Box) ——–
The soufflé burns (Pan) and her husband walks in – (The narrator  walks on )- saying —–
“Have you had a good day, darling?” ——-
Wife sweetly replies, “About average, my dear.”

END – All Smile!